My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Randomize
