it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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