New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
