I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize