so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
