4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
