I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
