Your dad touched me again.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
