I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
