Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
