you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
