there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
