How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
