Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
