I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Drunk is not a location!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
