You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize