Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
