If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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