So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
