Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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