I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I need water and some morals
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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