Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
sarcasm needs its own font
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
