I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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