tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
