with your own penis?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
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