So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
