where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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