how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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