i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
