Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
