your parents love me but you hate me
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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