Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
