Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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