would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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