I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
