Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
