Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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