using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
