I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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