Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
