The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
