So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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