I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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