I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
