it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I pour the whiskey from now on
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
