matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
