You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
