I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
