my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
