you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
