I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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