By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
