can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
