i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
