Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
