Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
