where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
