Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he was CRYING into my vagina
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
