i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
