No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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