just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
