Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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