New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
