are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize