I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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