I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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