Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
