Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
