Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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