OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize