im drinking this country out of the recession.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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