bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
