I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
