You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
