How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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