she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize