And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
