Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
