She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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